Musings & Meditations

It’s so hard to believe that it is one year ago today that Jenny was declared dead by the Broward County Police Department. One year ago as of 1:30 this morning. Being here in Florida, the memory of those first moments of awareness, when Norrie called and told me that there had been an accident, and the days, weeks, and months that followed resonate so clearly.

Yesterday we went to the accident site, laying flowers at the place where the accident occurred, and tried to make sense of the events leading up to the accident with my mother. “That’s the left turn lane she was in,” she said, “and there’s the place where they were staying. That’s where she was going.” But, of course, she never made it.

Thinking about Jen and Gus and, of course, about Kris, who is in California for the weekend with friends, brings back feelings of loss and grief, but also joy and delight. Jenny was so full of life, and loved dearly the warmth and the heat of places like Florida. She loved the ocean, and it’s hard not to think about her and her last days here as we say goodbye.

Norrie and I took Jen’s ashes yesterday, transferred from the bag in which they arrived to a biodegradable urn that will be left at sea once her ashes are scattered. It’s hard to imagine a life so full as Jenny’s being contained in this small bag of what is, essentially, bones. But of course, it’s not Jenny in that urn, but the material manifestation of her life here on earth. Jenny could never be contained, even from the earliest days of her life here on earth, and she never will be. She is everywhere in and around us, everywhere in and around me.

I love you, baby sister, and I miss you each and every day.