Musings & Meditations

Communing

Posted in Travel by Pam Keesey on May 27, 2008

Day 4: Photostream
By the time 5:15 Tuesday morning arrived, I was awake, but just wasn’t quite ready to get up. “I’ll just rest for a few more minutes,” I thought. Next thing I knew, it was 7 a.m. I quickly got ready and left the hotel only to find myself stuck going the wrong direction due to construction that closed all the exits for 10 miles out. Frustrated that I got to such a late start, I was hoping I’d be able to make up for lost time at some point throughout the day.

I finally arrived at my first destination, San Xavier del Bac Mission south of Tucson. There are times when the obstacles of the day turn into a gift, and this was one of those days. As I entered the mission, mass was just starting, and I realized I was meant to be there in that moment. I quietly took a seat in one of the pews.

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In remembrance

Posted in Family by Pam Keesey on April 5, 2008

It’s so hard to believe that it is one year ago today that Jenny was declared dead by the Broward County Police Department. One year ago as of 1:30 this morning. Being here in Florida, the memory of those first moments of awareness, when Norrie called and told me that there had been an accident, and the days, weeks, and months that followed resonate so clearly.

Yesterday we went to the accident site, laying flowers at the place where the accident occurred, and tried to make sense of the events leading up to the accident with my mother. “That’s the left turn lane she was in,” she said, “and there’s the place where they were staying. That’s where she was going.” But, of course, she never made it.

Thinking about Jen and Gus and, of course, about Kris, who is in California for the weekend with friends, brings back feelings of loss and grief, but also joy and delight. Jenny was so full of life, and loved dearly the warmth and the heat of places like Florida. She loved the ocean, and it’s hard not to think about her and her last days here as we say goodbye.

Norrie and I took Jen’s ashes yesterday, transferred from the bag in which they arrived to a biodegradable urn that will be left at sea once her ashes are scattered. It’s hard to imagine a life so full as Jenny’s being contained in this small bag of what is, essentially, bones. But of course, it’s not Jenny in that urn, but the material manifestation of her life here on earth. Jenny could never be contained, even from the earliest days of her life here on earth, and she never will be. She is everywhere in and around us, everywhere in and around me.

I love you, baby sister, and I miss you each and every day.

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Ringing in the New Year

Posted in Family by Pam Keesey on January 2, 2008

My long, dark tea-time of the soul. That’s how I have been thinking of 2007. I have never wanted a year to be over so badly.

2007 has been, without question, the most difficult year of my life so far. In fact, the last five years have been challenging. As I was telling a friend, my life since moving to Seattle has been largely defined by the themes of death and dying. But to lose my dear sister not just my sister, but my baby girl, one of my closest and dearest friends, and my most fierce and loyal supporter was more than I was prepared to deal with.

As I move into 2008, it is with a heavy heart and an eye toward introspection, reflection, transformation, and healing. So perhaps that long, dark tea-time of the soul isnt quite over. But I have a dream of coming through this with greater self awareness, deeper connections, and a new vision of my life moving forward. That is my wish and my hope as I start this new year.

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